Famous Lame Excuses

By Thomas Gangale
4 September 2005

Today, when asked what FEMA (the Federal Emergency Management Agency) was doing in his area, Johnny Dupree, mayor of Hattiesburg, Mississippi, replied, "Who is FEMA?"

At about the same time, Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff fended off criticism of the federal response to Hurricane Katrina by saying, "It wasn't just a hurricane, it was a hurricane followed by a flood." As though the latter was an unusual consequence of the former. Imagine how one could spin any number of disagreeable events throughout history to deflect blame:

Iraq, 2003: "It wasn't just a war, it was a war followed by an insurgency."

New York, 2001: "It wasn't just a plane crash, it was a plane crash followed by a building implosion."

Watergate, 1972: "It wasn't just a break-in, it was a break-in followed by a cover-up."

Dallas, 1963: "It wasn't just an assassination, it was an assassination followed by conspiracy theories."

Hiroshima, 1945: "It wasn't just a nuclear detonation, it was a nuclear detonation followed by heat, blast, and fallout."

Pearl Harbor, 1941: "It wasn't just an air raid, it was an air raid followed by sinking battleships."

New York, 1929: "It wasn't just a stock market crash, it was a stock market crash followed by a sharp economic downturn."

San Francisco, 1906: "It wasn't just a tremor, it was a tremor followed by a conflagration."

Ireland, 1845: "It wasn't just a potato blight, it was a potato blight followed by a famine."

North America, 19th century: "It wasn't just Europeans, it was Europeans followed by the genocide of native peoples."

Europe, 14th century: "It wasn't just rats, it was rats followed by a plague."

Roman Empire, 5th century: "It wasn't just barbarians, it was barbarians followed by the collapse of civilization."

Yucatan, 65 million years ago: "It wasn't just an asteroid, it was an asteroid followed by a mass extinction."

Without a doubt, we can look forward to future official pronouncements in a similar vein:

"It wasn't just tax cuts for the rich, it was tax cuts for the rich followed by underinvestment in national infrastructure."

"It wasn't just global warming, it was global warming followed by rising sea levels, increasingly violent weather, and the spread of tropical diseases into temperate zones."

Oh... that's not the future, that's New Orleans, 2005.

So, let's give Michael Chertoff a break. He's not to blame, nor is the Department of Homeland Security that he heads, nor is the FEMA that reports to him, nor is the Bush Administration in which he serves. In the final analysis, no one is to blame for anything.

Shit happens.

With Category 5 intensity, it flows out of the mouths of administrators and floats down the streets of a stricken city.